N8 Blogg

Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jacks...

2009-04-18T23:01:00.002-07:00

About a week ago or thereabouts Kyle gave me a call and asked if I wanted tickets to a D-Backs game in the big ball park. It was a pre-season game, but who cares, I love a ball game. I don't think I've ever turned down a baseball game. AAA, AA, A, Little League, Big Leagues, Pre-season, regular season - it doesn't matter to me, I'll go...

Now comes decision time...Who to take...And yes this is a big decision in our house. For some reason our kids like spending time with us? I don't know why, we're the worst parents ever, depending on who you ask and on what day. But everytime a "special" occasion comes up it seems to turn in to a fight. So Megan got to go...Not mad Sammy...Sam was the last one to do something special with dad (See hunting with Sammy post).

I have very fond memories of baseball as a kid. I have very fond memories of going to games at Dirk's field in SLC and then Franklin Covey field after that, which BTW is a great AAA park. Dad would remind me to bring my glove, or mitt, depending on which part of the country you're from apparently. My Dad would tell me why the players were doing what they're doing, why they would position themselves like they did. He taught me that infielders put their feet side-by-side, spread apart so they could move left or right quickly. He taught me that outfielders put their feet front-to-back spread apart so they could move forward or back quickly. This is where I learned what pine tar is, this is where I learned what a donut is, this is where I learned what a farm team is, this is where I learned what chew was.

So now it's my turn to pass these things along to my posterity, except the chew, I'll wait till she's older for that :->. Megan and I had a great time. We were on the third base side (home team side) kinda behind the foul pole, front row for the bull pen. As a baseball lover this was a great seat. I got such a charge out of watching the guys warm-up, and see how hard they throw. We sat there for the whole game, minus the first 2 pitches. I showed her how every player in unison gets ready just before the pitcher throws the ball. I explained why the bats break when a player hits the ball wrong. I explained why a player comes out of the bull pen to warm-up the left fielder. I felt like a baseball genius to be honest.

I hope the game of baseball continues to be passed along generation to generation. I hope the game continues to be affordable for families to go (Free in my case). I hope the grass will always be super green and mowed like a cable knit sweater. I hope if reincarnation exists I get to come back as a major league relief pitcher...

Thanks for the great day Meg!

Getting my oil changed...

2009-02-01T22:38:00.002-07:00

Why do we make the decisions we do?
On Saturday we needed some stuff, some Superbowl stuff. Avocado's, ice cream, snacks, drinks, etc... I usually don't go to Walmart on Saturday's as a personal rule. Too many people, too much going on, lines are too long, too much chaos for me and my flow.
With that said as we pulled in to the parking lot Jen says "Oh pull around to the back, I need my oil changed" O.K. then...
So the nice man with super greasy hands comes to my window to assist us. He asks a couple questions, scans the inside of my car door for the VIN information and comments that my car is less than 1 year old. Just so you know, we bought it back in June so it's only 7 months old. The last question the nice man asked was "So what's the mileage?" To which I reply Eighty Five Thirty.
Now remember he is the one who stated that the car is under a year old...
After I give my mileage reply he says "so... Eighty Five Thousand and Thirty?" [Side note; That was funny because I would have to average 404 miles per day to achieve that kind of mileage!]
No, it's Eight Thousand Five Hundred and Thirty.
Anywho...we do our shopping...pay our bill...and return to the oil change facility...
No biggie, until this morning when I notice the oil change sticker that they place in the upper left corner of our windshield. It has been hand written...8830...I guess we'll go back tomorrow for another change...

4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4...

2009-01-22T21:54:00.002-07:00

4 Places I go over & over...Fondue Parties, Fantasy Land, Fergler's Hardware, Flander's House

4 People who e-mail me...Farah Faucet, French Foreign Legion, Fabio, Ferris Beuhler

4 Of my favorite places to eat...Floor, Fudruckers, Flamingo Hotel Coffee Shop, Fiat

4 Other places I'd rather be...Florida Keys, Filiburto's, Finland, Festivus party

4 People I think will respond...F-Nobody

4 TV Shows I watch...Freaks & geeks, Fandango, Felicity, Fantasy Island

I'm giving...Thanksgiving!

2008-12-01T08:12:00.002-07:00

Sometimes, most of the time for me it I don't have full appreciation for something until it's gone. Such it is this year with Thanksgiving. I waited, with much anticipation for the big weekend to come this year. I love Thanksgiving, always have. Turkey, fresh rolls, pumpkin pie some more turkey, and football, Cowboys football that is.

But for the last 3 years Thanksgiving has meant so much more because we've had family come to town to visit and celebrate. My Mom & Dad, Sister and her kids (Brett, Rachel & Lindsey) made the trek down this year. I've got to say I love having everyone here, some people might not like being that close (10 people 1 house) but I think it's great. Not great as in, do it all time let's have one big happy family great, but it's good for 4 or 5 days.

We ate, we spent time together, saw a couple movies, did some shopping, played some golf, went on walks, hung the Christmas lights, played the Wii, did crafts, went and saw lights, cooked together, and had a great time.

Now the house is a mess, that's OK. Now our lives are getting back to normal, that's OK. Now we have a fridge full of food that will mostly go to waste, that's OK. There is a pile of laundry to do, bedding to wash, beds to make, and that's OK.

I am thankful for family
I am thankful for a loving wife
I am thankful for 2 great kids
I am thankful for good neighbors
I am thankful for a nice place to live
I am thankful for my job
I am thankful for health
I am thankful for opportunities
I am thankful for quiet times
I am thankful for noisy times

And now...that Thanksgiving is over...it's time for Christmas!

2008-11-16T22:30:00.002-07:00

I heard a great quote once...They're two types of people in the world, those who think there are two types of people in the world,...and those that know better.

BUT

I do think there are two types of bikers. Not motorcycle riders; bikers. BMX, mountain bike, ten speed, etc...

First there is the man/woman who rides because he/she wants to ride. They've got the gear, the bright yellow spandex jersey with the padded crotch. Matching streamline helmet. The special shoes that clip in to their pedals so they can maximize every up and down stroke. Two water bottles full of Vitamin water. Ipod strapped to their arm with the cord neatly tucked through their spandex. The blinky red light on the back, and the blinky headlight on the front to warn motorists of their coming or going. These folks are usually in shape, calves that could stunt double as horseshoes and thighs that could crush walnuts. They look like they know where they're going and how fast they're going to get there.

Second type: A little aged (25-40), dressed in everyday apparrel, no bike accessories, usually on a BMX style bike. These guys are not riding a bike because they want to. They are riding because they have to. I'm guessing it's because of their choices... Is it me or do these guys kind of just troll around, not really heading anywhere in particular. They just kind of bump around streets and parking lots and business areas. They have a shifty way of looking around, like they're looking for some type of opportunity, for what I don't know... Anyway that's only my point of view and my observations.

Yeah. It happened today!?!?

2008-11-06T19:23:00.004-07:00

Each year I wait for it. Each year it happens 2 or 3 times. It doesn't happen in summer (very often).
As many of you know I sell parts, I'm in the customer service business. "What can I get for you today Sir?" "How may I help you Maam?" "Would you like help with that?" These are all monicurs that roll forth from my yapper daily. Anyone who's ever been in this type of business knows you are always polite when interacting with a customer, but when they leave... all bets are off. Our customer's make us laugh, they make us mad, they leave us scratching our heads etc...

With that said, I've told this story many times to those I know but have never written it down for all to read. It usually goes something like this:

Me: What can I get for you today sir?
Old Man: Well, I bet you can't help me!
Me: Oh yeah, gimme a shot, what do you have there?
OM: It's a latch for my screen door.
Me: I see that, looks broke ;->.
OM: Yup. I've been all over this town and no one has been able to help me!
Me: Really, I've have that very thing right here. [Pull part from shelf & show OM]
OM: Yeah, you do have it... BUT... I bet you don't have it in white!?!?
Me: Actually I do, it's right here. [Pull white part from shelf & show OM]
OM: Oh......Well......How much is it?
Me: That'll be $14.99 plus tax.
OM: Mmmmm pretty proud of that there part!
Me: Well, that's just how much they cost, it's less than 20 bucks, not too bad I guess.
OM: Well, I'm gonna look around a little more and see if I can find it for less.
Me: OK. {The following only happens in my mind} Didn't you say you've been all over town looking for this part? Didn't you say no one has been able to help you yet here I stand, part in hand, ready to solve your problem for under 20 dollars? You prolly drive an old Chrysler Town Car that gets 2 gallons to the mile, and you're going to drive around more, maybe all the way across town, trying to save how much? How much can one save off of a $15 part? You're an idiot sir, you'll be back I know it!

Later that day....
OM: You still got that part?
Me: Let me check..........................Yep.
OM: Can you cut me a deal on it, gimme a break on the price?
Me: Nope, no can do, bosses get mad {hehehe I am the boss}
OM: Well, I think it's too much, but I guess I gotta do it [OM reaches in to wallet where several crisp hundred dollar bills are neatly lined up and pulls forth one of the aforementioned hunnies]
Me: Here's your eighty three dollars and sixty seven cents in change sir, have a great day!
OM: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

After a while I realized something about OM. Earlier that day when he first came in he had something to do. He had something to live for. For weeks his old lady kicks his behind everyday to "Git that dang door fixed". So when I had what he needed, I totally buzz killed his project. If he went home immediately following visiting me imagine how P-O'd his wife would be. "You've been puttin off that project for all this time when you could have finished it in an hour!" So he had to stall...He had to drive around for 6 or 7 hours to "accomplish" his task. Otherwise she's gunna find something else to nag about. But if it seems like the project was a PITA she'll leave him alone for a couple of weeks. It's the only rest he'll get until he dies, which will be before his wife cause he doesn't want to hear her nag, or do a project, so it's the next easiest thing!

Fan is short for fanatic...

2008-11-04T21:32:00.003-07:00

Today,
my fan-dom was called in to question? Twice!
By a BYU fan?
I know, I know... You can't really talk a fan off his/her team, so I won't...

There is a buzz in the air around Phoenix about the Cardinals, I however, am not so sure. I'm going to make a prediction, and like any good psychic, anyway it goes, I'll be right! The Cards, IF they make the playoffs, will lose tragically in the first round.

BOOOOOOO............
LOL

If they don't make it to the playoffs, I'm right. I love being right. If they do make the playoffs and lose first round I'm right. Did I mention I like being right? If they make it past that, oh well, I'll enjoy their run.

Not my brightest moment :->

2008-11-02T21:19:00.002-07:00

So it's been a while..., so what, it's my blog I'll blog when i'm good and ready. Why should I feel guilty, oh wait I don't. Anywho...

Me and a buddy from work (James) went shootstings (Austin Powers) today out in the desert. We left early to beat the heat and not take up the whole day. Megan came along, she loves going along with me and she enjoys shooting as well. We spent a few hours killing clay pigeons, cans, an old shoe and even a 40oz Budweiser bottle in perfect condition we found out there.

We shot pistols and rifles and took turns throwing and shooting clay pigeons with the shot gun. When we got home I remembered the bad part of shooting 5 or 6 different guns..., cleaning 5 or 6 different guns :->. Not the task is hard, it's just time consuming.

Now rewind a year or so ago. Another buddy of mine from work who used to be in the Army was talking about cleaning guns and how easy it is. So I ask him how / why it's so easy for him to clean a gun. So he tells me that back in the Army all they would do is shoot a whole bunch of carburetor cleaner in the action and barrel and that douches out everything, clean as a whistle.

So I tried it today with horrific results. When I was cleaning my little 22 rifle I noticed that the carb cleaner totally pulled up the finish on the wood stock. Not a little, quite frankly it worked better than any other wood stripper I've ever used. So once the irrevokable damage had been I decided to pull the gun completely apart. I spend a little over an hour sanding it down to bare wood and tomorrow I plan on refinishing it somehow.

To be honest, I'm not really that sad about it. I get to try a project I've never done before. For all I know it'll turn out better than it was from the factory, maybe not :->... Anywho, wish me luck. PS - I realize I should have taken pics but just think about the guys face in Indiana Jones when he looks at the Arc of the Covenant and his face melts, that's what my gun looked like.

PPS - Thanks Megan & James for a super fun day, Yeah I said it...Super Fun

I need a break from this vacation!

2008-10-15T20:26:00.002-07:00

I would like to tell you about my weekend but my weekend but my wife, bro-in-law, sis-in-law and nephew did a fine job. I do however have to say thanks to everyone who let me crash at their respective houses. I think I slept in 4 places in 4 days including the lazy-boy at Ellis'.

Are you like me? Do you go & go & go while on "vacation". Holy crap: Fri 2:30am, Sat 4:30am, Sun 5:00am, Mon 8:00am, AHHWW the sleep in, Tues back up at 5:00am. Last night however 7-1/2 hours of solid, in my bed, windows open, open mouth snore job.

I can't decide if I like the quick 3-4 day vacation or the longer week to ten day vaca? Both have their Pro's & Con's I guess. To be honest I'm glad I got to fly back, that makes a four day vaca worthwhile. If a person has to do a roadie, it better be a good week, or else your rear end never gains back the feeling lost from hours of no circulation.

But now it's back to work. Actually the last day of vacation for me is worse than a day at work. I spend all day thinking about what I will have to face when I get back. "Just how many e-mails will I have? Did Mr. Cook's Norcold recall kit come in, I better check on that first thing! I wonder how many voice messages I'll have to return? I wonder if my co-workers left the soda in my fridge alone while I was gone?" Those were my thoughts, and yes it consumes me.

Only bad part of the weekend was I only spent one evening with my parents. Oh well, they're coming down for T-Giving so we should have lots of time together. I hope Jen & the girls are having fun. Thanks again for everyone's hospitality. Now back to 87 & sunny :->!

E-mail tag and my personal take on it...

2008-09-23T19:12:00.002-07:00

We've all received one of these e-mails before, at least I hope you have. If not, you may want to reconsider your niceness level, maybe you're a jerk and you just don't know it. But I would say 98.5% of you are OK, and prolly have gotten one of these e-mails. My dad wants me to answer the following questions about myself (like he doesn't know the answers) and re-send it to 5 people. But that's no fun, I want to share with everyone who I know of that read this blog - all 4 of you.

What is your occupation right now? Bathroom attendant
What color are your socks right now? Barefoot..., and pregnant
What are you listening to right now? Anything by Englebert Humperdink
What was the last thing that you ate? I swallowed my Fruitstripe gum...
Can you drive a stick shift? Yes..., and yes :->
Last person you spoke to on the phone? The Amish <--- That's funnier than you think it is!?!?
Do you like the person who sent this to you? He's the only one with his own "ism's"
How old are you today? I look 39 I act 14
What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? WNBA without a doubt
What is your favorite drink? Court order says I can't drink anymore
Have you ever dyed your hair? Actually YES, once, but it didn't take
Favorite food? Soupkitchen sloppy joes or haggas - It's a toss-up
What is the last movie you watched? Steel Magnolia's for like the hundredth time
Favorite day of the year? Payday
How do you vent anger? Watch Steel Magnolia's
What was your favorite toy as a child? Fire...Me thinks to self. Was that a joke???
What is your favorite season? Duck
Cherries or Blueberries? Yes, in a pie please, mmm... pie
Do you want your friends to e-mail (post) you back? Friends? I don't need no stinking friends!
Who is the most likely to respond? Jen always comments, until I say she does, and then she doesn't, because I said she does
Who is least likely to respond? Please see above...? We'll see
Living arrangements? SWM w/ $$$ - Ladies???
When was the last time you cried? Watching Steel Magnolia's
What is on the floor of your closet? Skeletons
Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending to? Is that a rhetorical question? (Jim-ism)
What did you do last night? Partied like it was 1999
What are you most afraid of? The only thing I have to fear is...fear itself.
Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburger? I'll have the chicken or sea bass
Favorite dog breed? Brown ones
Favorite day of the week? Saturday, Saturday is a special day...It's the day we get ready for Sunday...
How many states have you lived in? All 50 & Puerto Rico - Livin' the Vida Loca
Diamonds or pearls? Who's buyin'?
What is your favorite flower? All purpose

There's nothing better than...

2008-09-10T19:21:00.003-07:00

There's nothing better than a good nights sleep
There's nothing worse than a bad nights sleep
There's nothing better than golfing with friends
There's nothing worse than golfing alone
There's nothing better than fresh sushi
There's nothing worse than old sushi
There's nothing better than playoff baseball
There's nothing worse than mid-june baseball
There's nothing better than an old pair of shoes
There's nothing worse than breaking in new shoes
There's nothing better than a good, even great, haircut
There's nothing worse than a bad haircut
There's nothing better than watching snow fall
There's nothing worse than shoveling snow
There's nothing better than getting along with your spouse
There's nothing worse than fighting with your spouse - not that I'd know :->
There's nothing better than sitting down to a good meal
There's nothing worse than waiting to sit down to a good meal
There's nothing better than a hot drink when it's cold
There's nothing worse than a hot drink when it's hot
There's nothing better than a clean well manicured yard/lawn
There's nothing worse than yard work
There's nothing better than working/playing on the computer
There's nothing worse than computer problems
There's nothing better than payday
There's nothing worse than payin' bills
There's nothing better than cute kids
There's nothing worse than ugly kids..., sorry it's true
There's nothing better than going on vacation
There's nothing worse than coming home from vacation
There's nothing better than happy children
There's nothing worse than grumpy children
There's nothing better than good chocolate
There's nothing worse than bad chocolate
There's nothing better than The Dallas Cowboys
There's nothing worse than The Oakland Raiders
There's nothing better than napping
There's nothing worse than waking up from a nap
There's nothing better than betting and winning
There's nothing worse than betting and losing
There's nothing better than a nice car
There's nothing worse than car troubles
There's nothing better than Phoenix in winter
There's nothing worse than Phoenix in summer
There's nothing better than MNF with Al Michaels
There's nothing worse than MNF with Tony Kornheiser
There's nothing better than clean clothes
There's nothing worse than doin' laundry - I know, even though I don't do.
There's nothing better than going camping
There's nothing worse than when it rains camping
There's nothing better than cinnamon with sugar
There's nothing worse than straight cinnamon - we've all done it!!!
There's nothing better than being in shape
There's nothing worse than working out
There's nothing better than comments on your blog
There's nothing worse than no comments :-<

I've got more...but I'm bored...Hey that rhymed...Do you have the time?

Killin' stuff with Sammy da Bull

2008-09-09T20:15:00.007-07:00

If you don't know who Sammy The Bull is you should look it up. Let me sum it up for ya. He's a badass, toughguy, he got his nickname by being a good fighter. (That's at least according to some random individual who took their time to post that to Wikipedia) We have a little Sammy da Bull, she's a great fighter I'll give you that much :->.

She and I don't always see eye to eye for various reasons. But I took the opportunity to take her hunting with me last Saturday, just her & I. I use the term "hunting" very loosely here. It's basically just shooting at moving targets. A person doesn't have to "stalk" wild doves, you don't need to sneak up on them, you don't even need to wear camo. Basically you just wait until they fly near by and then you pillow them. PILLOW - When you shoot a bird and all the feathers go flying - "Man you turned that bird in to a pillow".

Anyway, it's a good, safe opportunity to take your child out "hunting". We got up early, got Micky-Deez, and got out to Maricopa ('bout 40 min). The shooting was hit or miss, not me, I hit everything, ;->, I mean the flying birds. At times I'd have 10-12 to choose from then nothing for 10-15 minutes. Sam was my Golden Retriever, every bird I dropped she picked up. She would cradle it in her arms and bring it back to me. I was kind of sad to see her carry 'em like that. One bird, and this isn't that uncommon, was still kicking when it hit the ground. It was floppin' around and it freaked her out, but it stopped floppin' around and she picked it up like a little trooper.

I was able to take the time to show her and teach her about cotton plants, pecan trees, how and why birds choose their habitat, and the difference between dairy cows and feed cows (no udders). She had lots of questions and I love answering them. When we came home I took one more opportunity to "teach" my girls about meat. We cleaned up the birds!?!? Actually this went better than I thought it would. Do you know what 8 doves will get ya? About 16 bite size pieces, or 2 skewers of meat. Better eat your veggies if you want to get filled up.

Here are a couple of pics to share what our haul looked like.

Idontlikedoingwhatimtold

2008-08-30T19:09:00.002-07:00

No I won't... ... ... ... ... ... ...Crap I was tricked in to it!?!?

2008-08-26T22:17:00.003-07:00

I remember when...

Tonight Jen & I were lounging and watching some TV. I wanted something to snack on, so I popped a bag of popcorn. It got me thinking about how popping popcorn used to be an event in our house growing up. You of course bought Orville Redenbacher popcorn in the gallon size jug. Half of which never even popped, which is why, I guess, we needed the gallon size jug. Then you had to plug in the "air popper" and let it warm-up for what felt like 20 minutes. You learned quickly how much was just the right amount of kernels to put in the machine. Put too few kernels in, and they all bounce out the top and in to the popcorn bowl rendering a once semi-heated, now cooled kernel useless (why is that). Put too many kernels in and you just had a burnt lump at the bottom that never put forth white fluffy fruit.

Then the butter - 2 schools here - butter on the top of the machine that melted with the hot air heat which made a horrible mess, or melt it (over the stove, not in the microwave) and pour it over the popped bowl. This made 10% of the white fluffy fruit shriveled like little yellow dried lemons, but they were delicious!?!? But 90% of the white fluffy fruit got nothin', not even salt would stick to it. Some families used flavorings instead of straight salt, this to me was heresy, worthy of the stretcher. Popcorn - butter - salt in that order, period.

But then...

Microwave popcorn was invented and threw this old crappy process out the window. Now it's open box..., insert bag in box..., press one button..., with 1 minute and 45 seconds..., and enjoy a buttery flavored, salted, relatively evenly seasoned bag of popcorn..., with most of the kernels popped and ready to go! YES I know it doesn't taste as good, well I guess it's a trade off - Crappy process or Crappy product.

Do you still "pop" popcorn with a popper, or do you use bagged microwave popcorn?

Don't taze me bro!!!

2008-08-21T21:39:00.005-07:00

Jeff tagged me, he says it's a "male only" tag. So what the _______ (insert fav swear word) I'll do it.

How many guns do you own? Too many people read this to admit, however if you break in to my house, be prepared!?!?
Ginger or Maryann? Yes
Do you change your the oil in car or does Jiffy Lube (or other oil changing place)? I change my car's, but use synthetic, so I go 5000 between changes (Lazy approach) - Jen has hers done at the J Lube
Riding mower or push behind? Jen, how do you mow the lawn?
Favorite drink? I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly...

What is the size of your TV screen? It's this big (Me holding my arms up with my hands out)
Favorite Professional sports team? Cowboys, Duh, best team everrrr
Would you jump from an airplane? Been there, done that
Yard work or working on a car? Cahr (That was said with a Boston accent - like in Good Will Hunting) Now I'm gunna go beat up some smaart kids
Best Pizza? The best pizza is wood fired, nothing cooked in an electric oven tastes great
What was the last animal you killed (on purpose)? Duck(s)

If you could play one professional sport, what would it be? MLB relief pitcher, a really good one, not a crappy one stuck in AA ball
Last CD you bought? So long ago I can't remember - I've been downloading for so long I honestly can't remember, but I bet it was Country!!!
3 favorite TV stations? Telemundo, BBC, KBYU
Lazy boy or couch? What's the activity? Cause I was just thinkin'...!!!
How many pillows do you sleep with? Well I've never "slept" with a pillow, but I only lay on one when I sleep.
When was the last time you were at Cabela's? When I went with the above tagger 2 Christmas' ago.
Favorite car you have owned? 1972 Chevrolet camper special 3/4 pick-up with 1 ton springs in original yellow, shoulda never sold it, I'm an idiot, thanks for reminding me, grrrrrrr
Do you have a DVR? What size? Yes, like the saying goes, once you've had DVR, you never go back - Not big enough when it's the Olympics
Boxers or briefs? Commando - (Collective eeeewwww from the crowd) Aaaa-thankyou
Work out or watch sports? If I could play sports as a workout that would be my choice
Do you have any dead animals hanging on your walls? Negative, I'm not THAT creepy
Do you have to trim your ear hair? Nope, not yet - But Jen says it's a comin'
Tattoos? My ex-bro-in-law taught me this. Wait until you're 30 before you decide to get a tattoo. By then you'll really know if you truly want one. At 30 I realized they aren't for me. So no, no tattoos
Ever been arrested? Can you better define arrested? If by arrested you mean gone to jail, NO. If you mean cuffs on in rear of patrol car, YES

I don't know anymore guy bloggers, sad when I think about it... So no one else gets tagged unless you're bored, male, and wanna spend 20 minutes answering these questions.

GBD - Guilty By Design

2008-08-15T21:51:00.003-07:00

Is it only me or do you feel guilty when you don't post? I keep checking others blogs and I see my name slipping down their list as the time from my last post becomes greater & greater. For some... And I won't name names...posting seems to come easy. They always find something to write about, some story to share with the rest of us, an interesting take on something that happened to them etc...

I realize that for me blogging is about reporting the past and proclaiming excitement for the future. I guess I like having things to look forward to, and who doesn't? But for now, I have no travel planned, no work trips or grand events to report. Wait a minute, I'm a liar...For our anniversary Jen got us tickets to Jim Gaffigan next month. I think he's funny, a little off, but funny. Deep down I guess he reminds me of me. "A little off"

On another note: Have you been watching the Olympics? If so why... If not why?
I have to admit, I'm logging more Olympic TV time than I care to admit. Jeff made some nice observations about the Olympics that you can read. I don't want to Big League Jeff but, I too have made some Olympic observations.
Swimming is not cool...but watching an American crush everyone else is...
If I hear the word Phelps one more time I'm pushing a Bic in to my ear...
Is it really necessary to determine who's the best badminton player in the world...
Do commentators hate the other athletes - Sounds like it to me...
Women's beach volleyball - Easy on the eyes...
Women's volleyball - Not easy on the eyes...
Admit it, China isn't as poor and crappy as you thought...
I have ZERO interest in anything not involving an American...
The older I get the more inept if feel as I watch teenagers competing on a global level...
The US 100 meter sprinter's names (Patton, Gay, Dix)...

I floated on air today, what did you do?

2008-08-04T22:37:00.004-07:00

My heart and mind have been very full this weekend. For me, that makes it hard to put in to words, and especially to post on the net. As you may have read Jen had a birthday which we celebrated this weekend. We had a nice dinner at Olive Garden (thanks Lori for watching the girls). A few months ago Jen saw a blog post from a friend of hers where she went indoor skydiving. Jen said "I want that for my birthday!". Honestly, I think she forgot she had said that to me, which is a good thing when you're trying to surprise someone on their birthday.

You can see our fun times by clicking HERE. First is Megan, then Sam, then Me, then the birthday girl! I'm sorry there's no audio or music. I promised the girls I would get it posted on YouTube and if I want to get to bed tonight I better get 'er done. I highly recommend this for just about everyone. It was sooo much fun. I was afraid the girls would get scared or wuss out at the very end but nope, thanks to ANTM (America's Next Top Model) they were stoked to do it and went in face first (as you can see). Jen said it was the best birthday present ever... so I'm jazzed about that!?!? Yeah me for listening!?!?

Also, 13 years of marriage came and went this weekend, today to be exact, (Happy Anniversary Sweetie). There are a lot of people who have more years of marriage than us, but you got to admit, we're climbing the ladder. I was thinking this morning that love and marriage is a lot like an oak tree. As it gets older it grows, the roots get deeper, more and more branches grow, it gets stronger and stronger, taller and taller, but the best thing..., it gets more & more beautiful. It reminded me of the huge, gorgeous oak in Ellis' front yard. I like to hear him tell the story of how that tree was young and just "this big" when he planted it. Now it stands like a monolith protecting his house from the sun, rain and wind. When it's mid summer (like it is now), and it's in full bloom, it has huge leaves, a thick trunk, and huge acorns, it's about the best, prettiest tree I've ever seen. Just like the young daughter he gave to me in marriage, she's the best, prettiest wife I've ever seen!

2008-07-31T23:17:00.003-07:00

Twelve years, three hundred and sixty two days ago I married my Jeni. Everyday since (minus a few that aren't important enough to remember) has been a wonderful journey for the both of us. For me, it's been as if I am living each day with the one who's meant for me, like a perfect fitting shirt. It's hard for me, without humor, to express just how much you mean to me. But, on your special day I'll leave all the jokes behind. Even the ones about age...oops...

Happy 29th Birthday honey!?!?

Driving Blitches

2008-07-25T22:38:00.002-07:00

Tonight I'm going to concentrate my negative Darth Vader energy on a single lane of traffic. Easy now, I can't blow my whole wad in the first two sentences, even though I usually do! Lately I've been noticing myself increasingly becoming upset with two particular "moves" that seem to happen on a regular basis in the right lane of traffic.

First - When there are multiple lanes of traffic, 2 or more, and there is no right hand turn lane. The farthest right lane is just a lane...yes you can turn from this lane, but you can also go straight. Maybe it's early in the day, maybe it's late in the day. Either way the streets aren't busy. So why do Jack-holes (Ya see I combined the two compound dirty words and created my own non-dirty, yet just as effective term) insist in stopping & traveling in this lane? Why, when there are other lanes to stop at the red light, do these people insist on stopping in the right lane? They aren't turning..., they're going straight. So why stop in the right lane and not give the people behind you the opportunity to turn right on the red light???

Second - When I come down the road on the street that enters my neighborhood I have to make a right. Again, there are multiple lanes of traffic on this road, specifically 3 lanes. So why do people travel in the right lane? There is no reason for this. There are no other right turns on this street for another quarter mile. Why does this upset me you might be thinking? Because the people who are traveling behind me, even though there are other empty lanes to choose from, they ride my tail as I have to slow down and make my turn. I've even had people swerve to "miss" me and honk in the process. [me thinking]="THERE ARE 2 OTHER LANES (THAT ARE EMPTY) TO CHOOSE FROM, WHERE NOBODY IS SLOWING DOWN AND TURNING JACK-HOLE, MOVE OVER AND PASS ME."

Anywho, I needed to get that off my mind and on to the WWW.COM for all 8 people I know to read it.

2008-07-24T19:04:00.009-07:00

This, is the place?

If the 24th of July means anything to you, you are:
A: From Utah (Or very close to someone who is)
B: Mormon or
C: From North-Eastern Arizona

Every year for the past 4 summers this time of year gives me pangs in me belly for wanting to be in Utah. The 24th is a GREAT holiday there. Some say bigger than the 4th (some = Kris & Jim). I have to admit I like the 24th parade, it's kinda gay...yeah I said it...but I like it. My favorite parts are the bagpipe bands, pretty girl floats, cops on Harley's and the horses. I also like the people watching at the parade!?!?

I miss the B-B-Q's, I miss the sitting out late at night talking, I miss camping at the Spruces, I miss fireworks in /on the street. I also miss having the day off work when I know good and well the rest of the country doesn't have the day off, it makes me feel like I'm gettin' over!

So if you're there (Utah) and enjoying the holiday...I'm not going to write what I'm thinking but, it's not nice...

Happy Pioneer day everybody!!!

Blogger's block?

2008-07-20T08:46:00.003-07:00

I am going to post, even though I don't feel like. Mostly because I'm afriad of my wife, and how she treats me when I don't post :->! I made some mistakes this last weeks which has caused me to work a lot of hours, nobodies fault but my own. When I work a lot I don't have much to say, work is work ya know? Next time I'll take a tip from Santa and make a list then check it twice, although my list is the work schedule!?!?

I did take the liberty of leaving work early yesterday to spend some time with the family.

Problem: A major golf championship is playing this weekend.

I don't know why but I'm a degenerate for the 4 golf majors, but I am. When it comes to the Masters, US Open, British and the PGA I just have to follow them. I have a couple of confessions to make regarding it:

I have missed work to watch a major.

I have missed church to watch a major.

I have neglected my family to watch a major.

I have neglected personal hygiene to watch a major.

Just kidding..., kind of...

I did get out of the lazy boy long enough to spend some one on one time with Sammy The Bull. As you may have read on Jen's blog she & I went bowling. We got coupon... So we took advantage and went. PS - Real bowling is much more difficult than Wii bowling. You, are smart, and prolly know that. I seem to forget these little details in life. I have to be honest, by the third frame of the second game Sam & I were ready to call it quits. Swingin' a 16 pound ball 30 or 40 times gets ya worked up, at one point I even felt that single bead of sweat roll down my back and in to my crack! Don't go eeewww..., you know what I'm talkin' bout!?!?

After bowling she and I headed to Savers. Some people may like Nordstrom or Dillards or Macy's, I like Savers or DI or Goodwill. I'm a huge thrift store fan. I would venture to say 50% of my clothes were purchased at a thrift store. Does that sound weird? Oh well. I love lounging in athletic shorts and a T shirt. Guess what they have a tone of at thrift stores? Athletic shorts and T shirts!?!? Yeah Me!?!? All we bought was a pot, no not "pot", but a pot...to cook in...It's actually a science experiment. The girls bought a crystal growing kit at Hobby Lobby and the instructions reads, WHAT ELSE YOU WILL NEED "an old sauce pan which is no longer used for cooking". Again, that's why I love thrift stores, where else can you get a throw away pot for $2.50?

Anyway, I have to work again today so I've got to be off.

Uniform - Check

Keys - Check

Money clip - Check

Pen - Check

Phone - Check

DVR set to record golf - Double Check

Have you seen this man?

2008-07-12T22:53:00.006-07:00

First, of all please take a minute and scroll down to my "This is the stuff I don't like" on the left side of my blog.

Second, look at the 4th entry down from the top, it should be the Oxyclean guy. I added this about 4 months ago by the way...

Now my story:

I had to work today - NBD (no big deal) - I work every Saturday. This morning at around 9:15 an attractive lady and her son (maybe age 6 or 7) came in to my store. She asked for help and I offered my assistance. I helped her find the couple of items she was looking for, she thanked me, I thanked her and went about my business. She took her item to the front register to be rung up, again NBD.

When she had paid, and left, my cashier told me her son said to his mom "That guy who helped us looked like the Mighty Putty Man."

Do you know who the Mighty Putty Man is?

HE'S THE SAME GUY AS THE OXYCLEAN GUY!!! - NOW I'LL HAVE TO SHAVE MY BEARD...

Photo Tagged By Kaylee

2008-07-11T22:02:00.009-07:00

Kaylee photo tagged me in her blog so here goes. You'll get a glimpse in to my personal life:

Self Portrait

What are my kids doing right now

Favorite shoes

Closet

Dream vacation - Alaskan cruise

Favorite room

Bedroom

There you have it!!!

Don't put my steak in your balloon as a hobby.

2008-07-07T21:41:00.005-07:00

I'm pretty upbeat, I'm pretty positive, I like to see the good in things / situations, I'm an optimist. With that said..., I'm about to go all soapbox on a few things.

First - water balloons. I hate water balloons. YES I know they're supposed to be fun, YES I USED to play with them as a kid. More specifically speaking I hate balloons, even more specifically I hate latex (does a double specifically make an un-specifically?). I hate the smell, I hate the texture, but mostly it's the smell. I don't think I have globophobia, I just think it's a general loathing of latex. I hate rubber bands, I hate rubber gloves and when I was younger my siblings would torture me we the rubber bands from off the daily newspaper, they would put them in their mouths, pin me down, then chew them right in front of my face. EEEWWW GROSS... Today at Target both the girls got a 100 pack of water balloons, and I had to give lessons on how to tie off a balloon. When I find myself in Hell with Satan and his followers my plight will be tying off balloons all day, every day... I just know it. It was fun teaching a skill to my girls however, they both got it with the "2-finger" technique.

Second - Black Angus. Now I'm not talking about the cow, I have nothing against cow's, as a matter of fact they're delicious, mmm... I'm talking about the restaurant - Stewart Anderson's - Jen and I had a gift certificate for $25 and thought it would be nice to eat there today as a family. SIDENOTE ON HOW WE GOT THE GIFT CERTIFICATE - (We originally gave it to Jen's dad as a present for his birthday. We got a phone call from him saying "Um this is kinda weird but... there aren't anymore Black Angus joints here in Utah". So we sent him a different gift certificate, and he sent us that one back.) I know why there aren't any more in Utah, they're horrible - Yes I see the irony - But it has been a long time since I've been and I must have forgotten. Jen's folks always used to get these great coupons to the place, and that would make it worth it. You would have to have a coupon 'cause the cheapest thing in the place is a piece of chicken for $15. We wanted steak so each plate was $21. Good thing I had $25 bucks to the place or I'd a walked out. Sub-par food, sub-par portions, OK service, but for that price Jen & I agreed Sizzler would be a much better choice. Stewart Anderson's = Highly overrated

Third - Hobby Lobby. Now I must note, this will prolly be an unpopular blitch...
BLITCH = To complain about something when writing on a blog.
Most of the people who read my blog are women, and maybe for them Hobby Lobby is great... 'cause it's a huge crap..., oops..., craft store. If you're going to name your place Hobby Lobby have some damned "Hobby" stuff there. Hobby stuff are things like model rockets, model cars, remote control airplanes, remote control cars, erector sets, train sets, etc... And don't even think about commenting with something to the effect of "Crafting IS a hobby" BULL - When someone says hobby, we all think of some nerdy guy in his basement coloring his toy soldiers to place on his civil war re-enactment set he bought off TV from TIME-LIFE. BTW - They had like 2 aisles of what I would define as "hobby" stuff and 148 aisles of crap, super crap. Their business model seems to be, double the price of everything, then mark everything 50% off. What a rip!?!? I would walk by some widget or a what-not and think "I would pay $10 for that" then I would turn it over and see a sticker for $21.99, then I would look up to see a sign saying "What-not's & widgets 35% off". I will end by saying going in to this store was a very emasculating event, I could actually see the despair on the faces of my fellow brethren also relegated to this misery!

I will say this post was not about the company, but about the itinerary. I loved spending the day with the fam.

3 Word Wednesday

2008-07-02T21:43:00.003-07:00

Victim

Perp

OUCH!

Worst Job(s) / Best Job(s)

2008-06-29T23:13:00.005-07:00

Have you ever dreamed of being soemone else, or doing a different job? Most of us have I venture to say... Even if you have a great life, make tons of money, and love your job, you've wondered what it would be like to be a professional (insert dream job here). In fact my daughter was recently asked this question about me, and she said I would be Tiger Woods, that's probally true!
Along those lines Jen and I were talking about what would be horrible jobs & great jobs. I have a list of a few bouncing around in my head. I would love your input as well, comments are encouraged...And the more eeeewwww or aaaawwww factor your comment has the more I like you!?!?

Outhouse tank cleaner-outer guy
Cleaning the grease traps at a all-night short order fast food joint
Embalmer
Landscaper in Phoenix in July
Landscaper in Alaska in January
Laundry room worker at a hotel or cruise ship
Colonoscopy technician
Slaughterhouse worker
8th grade algebra teacher
Factory line worker at a fish processing plant
Getting the gum off the bottom of public park tables
Brittany Spears personal assistant
Flatulence analyst
Prison orifice checker

Now on the flip side, and to end on a nicer note lets get to the second half of the discussion... BEST JOBS! This list could be huge I know. The only thing I ask is if you add a job make it real, nothing dumb like TV watcher, or Bon Bon eater.

The person who gets to name paint colors (Almond Sky, Venetian, Moonlight Breeze, etc)
Hand model
Ice cream flavor maker-up-er (and taster)
Movie critic/writer
Food critic/writer
Travel critic/writer
Wildlife photograper (This is prolly a lot harder than I think)
Working on Mythbusters
Sports car test driver
Anchorman/woman (Show up for an hour and say some stuff and go home)
Major league relief pitcher (these guys work one inning every other game for like $11 mil a year)
Socialite
Oprah's personal assistant
College professor

my disneyland trip by nathan w

2008-06-26T05:50:00.002-07:00

i went to disneyland
it was fun
we drove in the car
we drove a long ways
for a long time
then we got to california
then we saw our children
they are megan and sammy
we saw my parents too
they are jim and kris
they rode on a plane
they had fun too
we went on lots of rides
some rides got us wet
we saw mickey
we saw goofy
we saw snow white
we saw the tiki room
we saw women in hot pants
we saw lots of kids crying
ther a lots of interesting people at disneyland
it was hot
i think it was the hottest ever
i took a nap
we went to california adventure too
we soared over california
not really
it was just a ride
it was called soarin' over california - funny huh
i ate cotton candy
it was pink
it was yummy
cotton candy is one of my favorites
we went on lots of rides there too
some rides got us wet
i didn't get any souvenieers
i don't like souvenieers
i like indiana jones ride
i don't like spinning rides
they make me feel yucky
then we went to the beach
we had fun
we saw dolphins
i rode some waves
i have red skin
jen says it's a sunburn
it hurts alot
i got sand in my bumcrack
we stole icebuckets from the hotel
we made a sand castle
we drove home
we were in the car forever
then we slept in our own beds
it was fun
i like spending time with my family
now i gots to go back to work

2008-06-18T23:17:00.005-07:00

So it's been a while since I posted right? Sorry if you're a frequent looky loo and I've been disappointing your visits. Work has been a roller coaster lately, with the new store opening and all :->.

Speaking of roller coasters...

Friday we'll be leaving for California, going to Disneyland.

I have a little history with this "Happiest place". I'm as easy going as the next guy I guess. The last time I was in a "fight" was against Bobby something or other when I was in the 6th grade, he was in 5th grade, and he called me fat! Them's fightin' words right - I'm husky, not fat... lol!?!? I punched him once and that was that, fight over, haven't had a physical altercation since.

But the last 2 times I went to Disneyland I have gotten in to fights (Yes I know gotten ain't a word).

The first time Megan was just a two year old. It was late, and we'd been there ALL day. We wanted to stick around for the Main Street Light Parade and get a good "seat" right at the edge of the curb on Main Street. I was standing and Megan was on my shoulders, so she could have the best seat in the house. As you may know the parade is kind of a big deal. EVERYONE stays to watch it.

PS - I don't like crowds!!!

Now the edge of my toes are literally hanging off the edge of the street, and people are starting to line up to see the show. Right then someone "Belly Bumps" me from behind. Now this was a definite and deliberate push, or shove if you will, meant to get me to move forward. I slipped off the edge of the curb, both hands firmly gripped around Megan's ankles, and nearly took a header on to Main Street.

Once I gained my balance (cat like speed and quickness on my side) I turned around, fist raised, ready to punch the A-Hole behind me that nearly pushed me down. I turn around to see an 80 year old, 4 foot 5 inch Asian woman clutching her purse with eyes as wide as truck tires. My fist slowly turned in to a very stern raised index finger, and I calmly but firmly yelled at her "Don't push me" - It worked I guess, she disappeared in to the crowd! Yeah me!

The last time we went to Disneytopia and I got in a fight was about three years ago. It was during the week between Christmas and New Years. Side note - The two busiest weeks at Disneyland are 1st, 4th of July weekend and 2nd, the week we were there. We were down by the Jungle Ride walking at a snails pace because of all the people, and I was pushing a stroller with Sam in it.

Now it was so busy the fine people at Disney placed signs in the "streets" asking people to move to the right, so traffic can more easily move back and forth. As we're shuffling along like 100 year olds on a rocky mountain hike two guys behind me start shouting at everyone to "MOVE TO THE RIGHT" - "MOVE TO THE RIGHT"!!!

PS - Did I mention I don't like crowds?

Finally I turned around and yelled back at these jerks that they should follow their own advise, and move to the right!?!? "You got a problem Buddy!" He hollers back.

Now in man-speak "You got a problem Buddy" is a synonym for "I want to kick your ass".

Nope no problem here, just tired of you yelling at everyone, all 14,000 of us, packed in to a space made for 7,000. We're all in this together and no one's going anywhere fast, so just relax!

Now it got fun, now they're in my face, now my brother is there too, saying "You guys got a problem?" (Remember the synonym thingy?) and my wife saying NATE... NATE..... NATE...... And after what felt like an hour, but was only seconds, my brother and me, and our newly made friends slowly parted ways staring each other down like Ali & Frasier. I figured I didn't want to spend my vacation, let alone New Year's in the Disney clink. Who knows, I might have missed the Light Parade?!?!

Please pray for me this next weekend, pray I don't lose my patience and punch the jerk hiding behind that Mickey costume. LOL... I'm chuckling because I see myself like Clarke W Griswold at Wally World punching a mouse in the face and caving in his plastic grill! Like this...hehehe

Procrastination! Paying off NOW!

2008-06-03T20:19:00.006-07:00

The following may have some swear words and / or obscene language, parental supervision is suggested!

No I'm just kidding, but I am pissed about something so I'm venting. For months and months now Jeff & I have been planning on hunting Javelina here in Arizona. The hunt was supposed to be late this fall in November. Now we take our hunting somewhat serious, as one must do these days. After all you have to submit your application to hunt 5 months before the actual hunt, not to mention the few hundred dollars one must spend for the chance to hunt a wild pig.

REALITY CHECK - Yes I know that by the time I actually apply, stalk, hunt, kill, clean, dress, butcher, cure, store and eat this "pork" it costs me like $36.00 per pound!!!

Remember how I said SUPPOSED to hunt. Well last night after avoiding / delaying / procrastinating our application I sat down and filled it out. I had to call Jeff like 4 times to get all of his info etc. Also had to call Jen's dad to see if he wanted to go etc. This is also after bugging a guy at work who had to bug his friend to find a good place to go.

After working on it for about an hour it was time for the final step, entering the "hunt number". Each species of animal, and every area available to hunt has a number associated with it. I was reading the proclamation to find this number when I read "Fall Javelina: All fall javelina hunts are designated Juniors Only" What..., damn kids! You've got to be under the age of 17 to hunt Javelina this year in the fall. That sucks!

Now the reason this post is about procrastination is because it took me so long to make out, and attempt to submit the application (3 months). BUT-You have to send in a check with your application with all of your license and tag fees ($356.25) at the time of application. If I had done this months ago, (like I should have), before the State made this rule, they'd be sitting on my 356 bucks, and my guess is they wouldn't be quick in returning it.

Yeah me for being lazy.

But Jeff, I promise we'll go in the spring of 2009!?!?

Anyone else in?

If people watching / commenting is wrong I don't want to be right!

2008-06-01T20:41:00.004-07:00

We had dinner with my cousin (Kari) whilst traveling through Vegas. We had a great dinner, local, tribal knowledge of Vegas is a good thing. We ate at an oddly named place, "Jerry's Nugget". Yeah we had some fun with that name. PS - I don't think Jerry's have nuggets? We had steaks, prime rib, king crab legs, salads, bread, and drinks for $66.00, even Sadie got a couple of bites. During dinner we were talking about Vegas and what is good about it and what is bad about it. I won't say whether the following is good and or bad, you'll have to decide, it's just what we saw while we were there for 18 hours!?!?

Elvis driving a pink Cadillac
3 or 4 brides in gown, cigarette in one hand, beer in the other
1 Groom in a baseball cap, beer in hand, getting picture taking in front of "Little chapel of love"
Drunk dancing tranny - If you don't know what this is 2 bad 4 u (Transvestite - Did I spell that right?)
Ball of death
2 Spray paint artists
1 Bicycle that was packed and looking like it was ready for the Ho-Chi-Min trail
Stripper with a boiler - If you don't know what a boiler is 2 bad 4 u (Beer Gut)
2 meth addicts acosting me and asking for money
An old, fat guy sitting in direct sunlight (98 degrees) for an hour - Stand up - Pick his wedgie - And sit down again
My credit card get denied for $4.00
Being asked for my father's maiden name
2 Lesbians making out
Internet access costing $5.99 per day and gladly paying it
3 Street preachers telling us were going to Hell because we're there - Does anyone else see the irony?
88 Lb woman stealing cigarettes out of ash trays
And countless indescribable hairdo's, outfits, odd-couples, and behaviors
It was great sharing all of this with Jen. She and I are like peas and carrots..., my Jenny!
Anyway - I'm glad to be home, I'm glad everything went well, I'm glad I don't have to drive more than 8 miles tomorrow :-> We had sooo much fun it's hard to find where to begin. My plan was to do a daily or bi-daily post - Kind-of a blog journal I guess. But when we were without the net during our SLC stay that plan de-railed. Now I'm too lazy to post it all. Jen does a good enough job anyway (Yes honey I know it's cheating).

HIGHLIGHTS

Thanks to the Bringhurst family for Moab
Thanks to the Woodard family for Millcreek Canyon
Thanks to Dad & Brian for Golf - even though I lost :-(
Thanks to my work for my vacation time and the use of the RV
Thanks for our blessings that allowed this to happen
Thanks to Kari & Rainier for dinner
Thanks to my wife for putting up with my Clark W Griswold ideas / ways
Happy 40th to my parents - Love you both!!!

Things in Moab can be a little different...

2008-05-27T06:51:00.003-07:00

I'm not going to tell you what I did on Sunday and Monday in Moab, for that I'll direct you to Jen's blog, she'll tell you all about it. Let me say thought this place is magical, there is a vibe here, if you've lost it, your MOJO that is, here you can re-gain it.
Here's a short list of things we have noticed, or realized are different in Moab than most other places:
Deodorant is completely optional - encouraged, but optional
Wearing a bra is also completely optional - not encouraged, but optional
It is not necessary for one to do one's hair, ever, regardless of appearance, length, color, etc...
Leave your socks in your drawer at home, you shouldn't wear them with sandals
People speak Jeep, don't start talking like you know what you mean, unless you do
Squealing your tires while turning going 2 MPH in a parking lot is cool
Squealing your tires while taking off from a stop light in an import car is not cool
Body damage whether on your person or vehicle is a badge of honor
ATVs and unlicensed "Off-Road only" vehicles do not seem out-of-place on the streets
No one cares unless they're over 44" - Your tires that is
Bicycles yield to motorists, not the other way around
Having a dog(s) is not required... but encouraged
Granola is something you eat, not something you are
It is OK to drive 7 miles in a little over 5 hours
There are no thieves here, lock nothing up, nothing ever gets stolen
Sand in your hair will soften it, once you wash it out
It is OK to spend $2,ooo on your weekend, it is also OK to spend $20 on your weekend
Hemp has it's own religion / following here
Negro Bill is a place, not a slang term for an old black man
Potato Salad is also a place, not a picnic accoutrement
Indian art is something you should go see, not buy
Don't ask the locals where to go, they'll never tell you anywhere good anyway
Wear browns, greens, tans...not reds, yellows, oranges
Socks, once stained with red sand, will not lose that stain
Jeepers, Campers, Euros, Off-roaders, ATV-ists, Bicyclists, Hang gliders, Motorcyclists, Hikers, Kayakers, Boaters, River Dogs, Climbers, Artists, Backpackers, Shutterbugs & Tourists are all welcome in Moab!

Moab = Jeep (Saturday)

2008-05-26T15:42:00.014-07:00

We woke up this morning with Jeeping on our minds, Jeff & I that is. When you're renting something, in the back of your mind you've got this internal clock going tick-tock-tick-tock... I guess since we've been doing Moab for 6 years now, and have had several multi-trip years, and including the fact we've Jeeped or off-roaded many many times, the ladies had no interest in going this morning. So we took others, screw them - did I say that out loud?

So Jeff driving the yellow 4 door Jeep & me in the red 2 door, we headed off. Jeff had his dad, his son, and 2 nephews. I had Scott, my daughter and her cousin. We wanted to do Hell's Revenge, even though we've done it 3 or 4 times. We can get through it pretty quickly and have mostly mastered many of the obsticles. The thing that makes Hell's Revenge nice is it's mostly slickrock, which is my favorite medium for crawlin'.

Toward the end my mind made a colossal shift for one reason or another. I remembered that this is a rented Jeep, one I wouldn't have to fix if I were to tear it up. So for the last couple of miles Jeff and I raced to the bottom. Now with most 4x4-ing it's hard to describe, or properly convey just how hairy & scary it can be. Pictures don't do it justice either. It really is something you must experience first hand, kinda like skydiving. All I can say is Jeff & I were haulin' somethin', that somethin' was ASS.

No way would I ever drive my own vehicle like that. Rocks and ledges that were up to a foot in size meant nothing to us. I kept trying to pass Jeff, then he would try to pass me etc... All of us were laughing uncontrollably!!! Scott later on admitted that he was scared, later on Jeff admitted that he thought I was going to rear end him. That is the true measure of off-roading, when you can scare your passengers.

To bad as we left the trail and headed down the canyon I hit a huge pothole. About ten feet away from it my mind said - You'll have to slow waaay down or speed up to "make" this pothole, but it was too late, we hit it full force. I think I might have even pooped a little in my pants. Here's my prideful carnage! Jen was none too happy with me, maybe she shouldn't have taken Tanner's word for the events that transpired as literally as she did???

I kinda didn't know what to do,... fix it or use it,... so what the hell, let's head back out and do another trail. Not so smart. I guess I didn't realize that the whole shock was snapped in half! I figured it was just bent - YEAH RIGHT - We headed up to 7 Mile Rim but we only saw 2 miles of the rim before Scott and I heard a clunk. We both did that movie head turn when driver & passenger look at each other with a "What in F*#K was that" look. We stopped quickly to see that the shock was indeed snapped in half and resting against the muffler. We don't want the broken shaft to puncture the muffler, so we headed back to camp. HaHa,... I just said Muff & Shaft in the same sentence!!!

Here's where I think it gets funny. We went back to camp and I removed the shock. I start to think, where am I going to find a Rubicon rear shock on a Saturday over Memorial weekend? I know, I'll just go to one of the other Jeep rental companies and get one. The first place I went the guy said "The only place you'll get one of those in this town is Farabee's" Guess where I rented the Jeep from, yeah that's right, Farabee's!?!? So I went to Farabee's, pulled my hat down reeeally low (as a disguise... lol) and asked for a shock. They had one, only $50.00. I went back to camp, put it on, and returned the Jeep an hour later, suckers!!!

That night we went to Eddie McStiff's for dinner and my ribs sucked, so I complained. If you complain at Eddie's you'll get a free sundae I learned :-> Well we still gots lots of stuff to do so I guess we'll blogg ya later!?!?

Vacation post Days 1&2

2008-05-25T09:33:00.005-07:00

As you may have read on Jen's blog we didn't get out of town on Thursday like we had hoped to do. It was raining like crazy, but more important to me was the wind. Driving an RV is like pushing a sheet of plywood through hurricane force winds. Combined with the fact it's not a good idea to sleep where it's below freezing, this will cause your pipes to freeze and costly repairs to ensue.

We left at about 4:30am the next morning and it was still raining and eventually snowing up in Flagstaff. All in all the drive was OK, it's nice for me ladies to be able to get up, walk around, get food / snacks, go pee etc... It normally takes 8 hours to diver to Moab, in the RV it took almost 9.

When we got there everybody was already there, Ellis-Linda, Scott-Polly, Jeff-Kim & Mindi - Brian couldn't come due to work, bummer 4 him. We "set-up" camp, although the RV makes setting up awfully easy! Later that night (after Pasta Jay's of course) we picked up the rental Jeeps. Now it was almost 6 so we couldn't do a major trail, that's OK, Fins 'n Things is always fun and quick. After that we went over to a "new spot" I had spied on Google Earth.

SIDE NOTE - If you haven't tried Google earth yet I highly recommend it. It flies around and lets you see anything in the world from an aerial view. If you want to go see the pyramids you can, interested in seeing the Great Wall of China, again, you can!

We didn't find what we were looking for but we will go back when we're more prepared to take on water crossings, besides it was too cold to run around in the river. I don't like my posts to be too long so I'll post about Saturday another time - Ta Ta For Now!?!?

Travelin' man...

2008-05-20T20:00:00.003-07:00

So excited...
Can't concentrate...
Mind on Moab...
Tonight I found out which RV we're going to be taking on our vaca. It's kind of like the movie RV, meaning it's kind of a rolling turd. Don't get me wrong I'm glad and excited to have it, but when I started down this RV road I envisioned something a touch nicer. When I went in to it this afternoon the heat from the day had melted the adhesive on a cabinet door and it was just hanging by a single screw :-). I get to bring it home tomorrow to pack it up even though we won't be leaving until Thursday night.
I just had a thought, maybe I shouldn't broadcast that we'll be gone on vacation, oh well.
My only fear is that RV might end up standing for Ruined Vacation. I hope nothing goes too wrong, I know we'll have problems, I just hope they are not too much to bear - That sound you hear is me knocking on wood.
I haven't had a vacation this long since Jen & I went to Europe when she was pregnant with Megan (11 years ago). It's a good thing to, lots going on at work n all. I'll be glad when I'm away and can concentrate on things other than real life...Wish us luck!

Oh and keep an eye on our house!?!?

Hehe Haha

2008-05-14T21:23:00.003-07:00

That's no Subway Jared

2008-05-14T20:13:00.009-07:00

Jen reminded me today about a story that I just gotta reveal. Back-in-the-day in the S.L.C. (047 reprezentin') I worked at La Mesa RV. I worked with a guy who was a detailer, he lead the team that washed and detailed motor homes for delivery. All-in-all he was a good hard worker. He had fallen on tough times in the past and he let me in to his world from time to time.

Anyway his name was Jared, and everytime he came in to the room I would kinda sing "That's Jared" after the "Jared, the galleria's of jewelry" jingle. Jared loved it, I think he liked the attention 'cause not many people were his friend for some reason.

I was often the first person at work in the morning, and had to open the front gate. One morning Jared was waiting for me in his beat up little Nissan Sentra. He was in tears and informed me that some personal things had come up and that he had to quit, but came to tell me this and to say goodbye. Kinda sad, I didn't pry, most of the times guys don't want to talk about what's going on right at that moment. We need to internalize things, work them out in our own minds, and when we're ready, we'll let it out.

The next day when I got to work I had a huge, and I mean huge, sports trophy on my desk. It was a karate trophy of a person I didn't know, a name I'd never heard, oh and by the way this person had taken like 3rd place. I have included this picture so you can get an idea of what the trophy looked like.

So of course I'm like "What the hell is this", who left their gimungous karate trophy on my desk. So I set aside without much more thought. About an hour later Jared comes in to my office and sits down. He proceeds to tell me what a great boss I've been, how much he looks up to me, and how sad he is to have left. He tells me he gave me the trophy and wanted me to have it. He said he worked really hard to get it (remember the name on the front of the 3rd place trophy was not his). I tried to give it back, I told him that the trophy meant far more to him than it would to me but he insisted I keep it because it meant so much to him for me to keep it.

That night I showed up at home with said trophy in hand. When Jen saw it she fell on the floor laughing he guts out. Here's a grown man, holding a 3 foot tall karate trophy in sparkly metallic blue paint. To be honest I felt guilty for years for having that damn trophy. I had it until we moved to AZ, then it had to go.

I know this story seems a little sad, on Jared's behalf, but it really was very funny.

Livin' the dream!

2008-05-11T21:52:00.003-07:00

Today I got to live out what some men believe to be their biggest fantasy. I showered with 3 naked women! Two brunettes and a shy blonde, you'll see from the pic that she hid her face so the camera couldn't see her.

Did you fall for the bait??? Life as a dad with two daughters I guess?

PS - The tea party was nice as well...

Happy Mother's Day Jeni

2008-05-11T08:15:00.003-07:00

Here's an ode to my lovely, caring, talented and wonderful wife and mother to our 2 beautiful daughters. On this Mother's day I want her to know how much I love and care for her. The last 12-1/2 years have flown by, and as the saying goes time flies when you're having fun. Thanks Jen for always being there, thanks for so many wonderful memories, thanks for all the smiles you've brought to me over the years. I hope you have a wonderful day!!!

Caveat emptor - "Let the buyer beware"

2008-05-01T20:03:00.003-07:00

Jen and I are sitting down watching a little tube the other night when a commercial came on for Riviera pool builders. He's in front of the BOB (Sorry it will always be the BOB to me) in a Diamondbacks uniform saying he excited to be a part of the D-Backs blah blah blah... He goes on to say that right now his special is - drum roll please - with every pool built he'll give the buyer 2 free tickets to a D-Backs game.

I knocked over Jen on my way to the phone to get my 2 free tickets. I mean what a deal! Do you know how much D-Back tickets are? They are like eight bucks a piece, and you get 2! Pools start at about $15,000 but with the kickback on the tickets, I'm in. And I thought I'd never be able to afford sixteen dollars for a night on the town :-)

At work today an invoice comes across my desk. It is for some packing tape one of my guys has ordered, before I became the manager again. Get this, he bought 16 - 6 packs of tape, 96 rolls right? The invoice was for $972.45!!! That's like over ten dollars per roll for tape (BTW-I said that in my Napoleon Dynamite voice). I quickly look up Staples.com to find out how much tape is and it's only $2.10 per roll,FOR THE GOOD STUFF!

So I started asking questions to find out how / why he got scammed. If you've been a manager, or an owner, or a buyer you know the scam. Usually a lady calls up, acts very chummy, says she provides some product you order all the time, tells you it's come in off back order, and asks for a purchase order. Sometime they'll offer you a prize or gift for ordering. What A-holes!?!? The guy who gave the PO was new in the department at the time, so I feel like they took advantage of him.

Luckily I was able to call, and after a short fight got the company to take the tape back. When I brought this situation up to all the guys as a learning opportunity, a couple of them sheepishly asked "Do we have to return the Starbucks gift cards too?" WHAT :-{ Grrrrrrrrr. How dumb do you have to be to fall for the "Hey we'll give you 2 free $10 Starbucks cards if you buy a thousand dollars worth of packing tape!!!"

The rest of the day we all teased the guy relentlessly, hehehe...

Hillbillies from Gilbert

2008-04-27T15:27:00.005-07:00

Today I woke up at 6:00am, why you ask? Because I had a church meeting to go to, and if you'll look left you'll see I hate being late. At around 6:45 our phone started ringing, I was in the middle of brushing my teeth and had the rabid dog look going on so I couldn't answer it. A fellow church goer left a message stating our meeting was cancelled. So there I was; breakfast in my belly, suit, pressed shirt, and tie on, hair combed, teeth brushed, and just a hint of smell good going on. Talk about being all dressed up with nowhere to go (Nathan = pissed)!

Later Megan woke up with the slightest of fevers, complaining about her throat hurting and generally not feeling well. I was the good guy, and told Jen I would throw myself on the grenade and stay home with Megan. She agreed but informed us that some laundry had to be done. So as soon as she left Megan and I got going. 15 seconds later Megan came in saying "Dad, the dryer is making a squealing noise, and it smells like smoke" DAMN-IT!

She was right, it made a terrible squealing noise like the bearings had gone out and subsequently smelled like smoke. So we had some fun... As you can see we hung up a couple of lines in the back yard, and hung out the laundry to dry. Actually it was kinda fun, kinda fun in a "Hey we don't do this everyday kinda way". It makes us look a little like the Clampetts, but we got all the wash done before Jen got home from Sunday-goin'-to-meetin'!

Even the lazy dog sleeping in the photo adds a certain JeNeSaisQuoi, in a redneck kinda way.

Ya learn something new everyday

2008-04-26T21:57:00.003-07:00

This is going to be a two-part post because I'm too lazy to post twice in one whole day.
Part Uno: This morning Sammy woke up hell bent on getting an Egg McMuffin for breakfast. She refused any other offer of food including pancakes and her favorite, cereal. Well some time passed and we needed to get going to a primary activity, she said she wouldn't go unless she got her Egg McMuffin. I looked up at the clock and realized that it was after 10am and Micky Dees stopped serving Egg McMuffins, shouldn't have let Sam know that by the way! At the activity the kids would be making Mother's & Father's day gifts. On the way out the door Sam informed me she would not be making me a gift today :-).
When we got there she was in no mood to socialize with anybody (still too pissed about missing her Egg McMuffin). After talking to some others and socializing for a bit I went to leave "Where's Sam" I think to myself. I found her out in the foyer, curled up in a ball on a chair, balling her eyes out. You want to talk about a girl that can hold a grudge!!! She was mad Megan got there on time and already started working on Mom's & Dad's gifts. I did not leave her there for the poor primary workers to deal with, so she came home with me.
When we got home she announced that since she couldn't get McDonald's that morning she was going to Sonic. So she went out, opened the garage door, got on her bike, and took off down the street. Luckily Jen distracted her long enough for me to get on my bike and follow her. So down to Sonic we went, passing by a mighty smelly dead cat.
Once she ordered her vanilla Sonic blast with Nem in Nems (M & M's) and no whip cream she finally cheered up. This is when I swooped in and played super dad. We talked about school, we studied the one dollar bill, and talked about why restaurants stink so bad. All in all it ended up pretty good considering how the morning had started. She even shared her Nem in Nem blast with me.
Part Deux: Here's a few things I already knew, but, was reminded again of during the day.
All thrift stores smell the same
Restaurant garbage cans on hot days smell real bad
So do dead animals
You have to "break" your toes in before going in flip flops all day long
Never go grocery shopping while terribly hungry
Pasta salad cannot be made in ten minutes
Fresh made cotton candy is my favorite outdoor treat
Diet Coke with Lime is delicious (Lasted 7 days quittin' Coke) hehehe
If you're going to be outside in Phoenix you've got to provide yourself with your own shade
The only girls that flirt with me are either related to me or are mentally handicapped
When your youngest curls up in your armpit and says "I love you dad" nothing much else matters

Saturday is a special day...

2008-04-20T17:41:00.005-07:00

I figured out how to make a Saturday where you have to work in to a great day. Bring a kid to work!

Megan came to my work just before noon time because of scheduling conflicts with what Jen had going on. We ended up having a great time. She helped me stock some parts away, she put labels on some parts that were missing them, and she followed me every step of the way :-).

It reminded me of the first time I got to follow my dad at a day of work. I usually couldn't go with dad to his work. He would travel long distances, he would go to factories and industrial areas etc... (non-kidfriendly places) One day he had some sales calls in Tooele, and I got to go! Do you know what I remember? It was my first vision of the naked female form!!! I remember going in to a truck repair shop where there was a calendar with a naked model on it.

I know, I know, a truck repair facility with a naked woman calendar, it never happens!?!? And I wonder why my dad never took me to his work???

Anyway Megan didn't get any gratuitous naked men shots yesterday. After work we had an errand to run, we drove by the batting cages and on a whim I swung the old battle wagon in. Hitting balls at the cages with your kids is one the funnest things to do, especially on short notice.

PS - The preceding picture is not of Megan and I!?!? :-)

Church cracks me up!!!

2008-04-14T22:18:00.005-07:00

I will admit that I find humor in just about everything..., everything :-) But I must say, even though some will scoff, that I find church terribly interesting and humorous. It's like a big sitcom if you really think about it. You get the same charters week after week, the plot line rarely changes, the set is always the same, and the drama is always there.

Every church I've known of, whether I've attended or spoken to somebody about, has the same stuff going on inside. Just because you're this religion... or that religion doesn't mean you're specifically unique (sorry to break the news to ya)!?!? Every church has that crazy guy who everyone's a little afraid of, the woman who sings just a wee bit too loud for those sitting around her, the man who only owns one suit and therefore wears it each week, the sweet older lady (or ladies) who are just doing everything they can to get to heaven, the old man who always comes but always falls asleep. (Sidenote: Why do people feel the need wake up early, dress up, come to church, then sleep through their meetings?) The guy who comes because his wife makes him, even though everyone knows he'd rather be home watching football or golf or tennis or soccer or curling or infomercials or...

I think the thing that cracks me up the most are the habbits people form as they attend church. I found this great blog called Cartoon Church where I stole this cartoon.
The humor behind it is so subtile and understated, and that's why I like it. Don't you find yourself parking in roughly the same spot every week? Don't you find you sit in roughly the same pew each week? Don't you find yourself talking to the same people week after week? Don't the hymns sound very much alike? Just stop once or twice and listen :-). It's funny how the "plot line" doesn't change, or only slightly changes week after week.

Now before you throw me out for being a witch, please understand I mean no harm. I too do the same things each week. I too say hello to the same people each week. I too don't say hello to the same people each week. Maybe it's the pattern(s) that makes church so appealing to people like you and I???

When your youngest is 8...

2008-04-12T21:17:00.005-07:00

Well, I'll be honest. I don't really like blogging about everyday stuff. I usually like to look at things with a funny or what I think is an interesting perspective. Not this post, I'm going a little soft and blogging about Sam's baptism. After all you only get baptised once. I have only had the chance to baptise 2 people (my 2 daughters).

We had a very nice day, I got to play golf with my dad and a couple of guys from work. It's really hard for me, with as competitive as I am to keep my cool when I shoot nearly 100. 2 weeks ago I shot a 2 over 73 and today on a shorter course I shot a 98 grrrr... All day I didn't swear, throw a club, get tooooo angry etc... I just kept thinking to myself that I needed to keep what was important forefront in my mind, and if I carried that behavior throughout the day it would ruin my plans later that day (Sam's baptism).

Thanks to all those who came out today. It was great to have both family & friends there. Your support does not go unnoticed or unappreciated. Sam did very well today despite her anxieties, maybe the practise in the back yard paid off? She said later that it's easier to go back when you're in the water instead of the back yard! She soaked it all in, and will remember this day for a long time I'm sure. I hope she knows our love for her and how special she is to us.

Did you see this e-mail?

2008-04-05T10:40:00.005-07:00

This picture got sent to me yesterday. It was titled "My favorite e-mail of the year". I think it's danged funny, whether you're a Bush supporter or hater, funny is funny. If you don't think it's funny then well...

PS - I was told Piper would most appreciate this post!

Phoenix Suns Top 10 List

2008-04-04T22:30:00.012-07:00

Jen & I went to our final Suns game of the season, so sad :-( It's funny how our conversations center around blogging now-a-days...I'm gunna blogg this, I'm gunna blogg that, etc... So I was talking about coming up with my top ten list for attending Suns games. 5 things I like, and 5 things I don't like about attending not only Suns games, but arena or sporting events in general.

Top 5 Likes

1 - The game itself

2 - Spending time with my wifey

3 - People watching

4 - Concessions

5 - Just getting out, going down-town and doing something different

Top 5 Dislikes

1 - Rickshaw guys thinking they have the right of way

2 - The concession guys outside the stadium who treat you like an idiot! "Get your water for a dollar, it's five bucks inside, you'll feel like a real dumbass if you don't buy my water." If you'll refer to #4 on my favorites list you'll see I don't go to games to drink water.

3 - Obnoxious fans, especially ignorant obnoxious fans

4 - Having to stand up 14 times a game to let dude out to get another beer

5 - Traffic, both getting in and getting out

Go Suns!

2008-03-31T22:42:00.003-07:00

If you haven't seen Office Space it comes highly recommended by yours truly. It is one of those shows I identify with because each character is a person you / I already know. That's why I like shows like Office Space, Seinfeld & the The Office.

I was back to my old / new job today - It is actually kind of funny, a guy at works made me a sign and had it as you walk in to the department "Parts department under new / old management". I've got to say I'm glad to be back. Even though it's only been a day I seem to be happier and I seem to fit better there. It is a good group of guys that want to do a good job, enjoy working hard, and get-along with no complaining!

So if you are in need of RV parts, be sure to look me up :->

Do we have to do everything ourselves???

2008-03-30T11:37:00.004-07:00

This is going to be just a quick shout out. Jen & I went to Fry's last night, and granted it was kinda late. We got there just before 9pm and didn't check out until just before 10pm.

When we went to check out there wasn't a single cashier working. Now they did have the self-checkout open with 8 stations available but...

Jen and I bought $170 worth of stuff last night.
Sidenote: It's amazing how little you get for $170
We ended up having to check out at 2 separate stations because of all of our stuff. Those self-checkout things work on a weight scale. You scan your item, then set it on a weighted space, then move on to your next item and continue. It's pretty hard to fit $170 worth of stuff on to a 2 foot wide by 3 feet long stainless steel slab. You should have seen me engeneering my tower.

When I was done I was totally expecting to have someone offer me a building contract.
Not only was my tower impressive but I'm also running back-and-forth scanning my Fresh Values card, running my debit card through the machine, loading groceries in both carts etc... No need to hit the gym tonight I guess!

Anyway I just can't beleive how many things we have to do ourselves just to grace business with our hard earned money. Earlier that day Jen had offered to go to the store herself, what a joke that could have been, but maybe hers would have been a better blogg... ;->

You just erased what?

2008-03-27T22:28:00.004-07:00

So tonight between my softball games I came home to drop Megan off because it was 8pm and it is her bedtime at 8. We were just kinda mulling around as a family, talking, bloggin', etc... I wander over to the TV set to see how the NCAA tournament is going. The screen that appears after you've viewed a DVR'd movie is on, with 3 option to choose from. 1-Play from the beginning; 2-Erase; 3-Copy to VCR. I chose 2-Erase.
Bad Idea!!!
It was "Smart House" a made for TV movie from the Disney folks. Megan sees me do this and says "You didn't just erase it did you?" Sam whips around "You erased it!?!?"
Needless to say she was none to pleased with me. She starts bawling uncontrollably, screaming "Why did you erase it" over and over.

Of course I apologized but there was no consoling her, until she called Grandma & Grandpa. I guess they made her feel better, even though later Grandma told us she didn't understand a word Sam had said.
I thought I'd do the right thing, and after finding out this movie only runs on TV once a year I tried to buy it off the internet. No such luck! Not that it's not available but, I'm too cheap, they want $31 for a used copy. To be honest, I'm not that sorry. I'll just try to download it, I'll update later on whether or not I was successful. :->

What did you talk about over Easter breakfast?

2008-03-23T15:44:00.007-07:00

Ya know Jen & I do our best as parents, and there are times where we look like geniuses, and times we look like dogs. This morning Megan and Sam were sitting down eating as I was busily making more waffles. In the background the TV was on, I really don't why I even had it on. I wasn't watching it, nor was anyone else per se. If you read to the left you can see I like boring educational shows, and as I sometimes do, I had it on DIY the "Do-it-yourself" network.

Every one's been there, the TV's on but your not really paying attention to what's on. At the time it was a commercial for a commonly advertised doctor prescribed medication. So Megan asks me mid-waffle "Dad what is genital Herpes?"

I look over to see an advertisement for Valtrex, "Your once daily tablet for controlling your genital Herpes outbreaks". So now I have a paradox, answer it totally honestly, or answer it gently? So I told my sweet girls that it's a really bad disease and left it at that!

Genital Herpes - Could there be two words in the English language that when said sequentially bring more shivers down your spine? Maybe? I have come up with a few others, as I've warned before sensitive viewers should quit reading at this point.

Testicular Cancer
Violent Diarreah
Projectile Vomiting

If you're still reading please feel free to leave me an addition to the list, I bet we could compile some doozies!!!

Pucker Power

2008-03-20T19:30:00.008-07:00

So the wifey buys me a new candy today. It's a spin off my all-time favorite candy, Razzles. I know many of you are saying what are Razzles. Razzles, First it's a candy, then it's a gum. What could be better than that huh? Candy and then gum! Have I gone to sweets Shangri-la?

Now I'll admit that the euphoria of a Razzle is tragically brief. It holds the record for cheap gum that loses it's flavor the fastest, but what a great 14 seconds. Now as Paul Harvey says here's the rest of the story!

4 packets of Razzles were purchased for yours truly. What a nice wife right. One is my all-time favorite "traditional" Razzles.

The other three packs are a new variety...Why spoil the best candy ever, I don't know. These new-fangled Razzles are "Sour Razzles". O...K... We'll give it a shot. I've been known to try a new food or two, how bad could these possibly be? After all, my peeps at the Razzle plant wouldn't do me wrong, right?

Wrong...

Now here's a disclaimer. The following will be graphic in nature, sensitive viewers should stop reading now.

If you need to use the restroom prior to eating Sour Razzles please do so. Now I'm specifically talking about a two-sy. Cause these babies are sooo sour you'll be puckered up everywhere for 30-45 minutes. Tomorrow I'm planning on beginning my vow of silence because my jaw hurts so bad I'm considering a jaw-ectomy.

I love my dear wife, but Jen please, stick to the "riginal" next time!!!

I don't want to start any blasphemous rumors but...

2008-03-17T19:21:00.006-07:00

Remember that song? Sometimes I think it's very true, and I'm the subject. That's OK though. I laugh at just about everything, I don't take anything too seriously, and it's a good thing.

My boss was fired this week and that's always a bitter-sweet feeling. I'm grateful for my job, I'm grateful for what he's taught me, but I'm glad it wasn't me! Actually, the day after he was let go the GM asked me to move back in to the parts department to fix what's gone on in there over the past 5 months. Again bitter-sweet, I've enjoyed myself and the challenges the service department brings, but going back to old hat will be refreshing. Now that I've stepped away from parts for a few months, I can more easily see where I could improve, now to do it.

Anywho that crap's boring...

On Saturday night the 4 of us went to the PPP, that's Peter Piper Pizza the pizza people puke. Seriously their pizza is nasty. I know of people who like it, and if you're one, don't tell me about it cause I'll think less of you and your tasteless, no tasting, taste buds. Hey, say that 3 times over and it sound ridiculous. On my second token I hit a 315 ticket jackpot from the game where the light goes round & round and you have to stop it on a single light. It was awesome, but the problem with doing that 2nd token in, you know the rest of your night will pretty much suck.

When all was said and done the 4 of us has 1200 tickets that needed to be spent. After saying no to 240 pieces of 5 ticket candy we got these goofy A glasses.

We all thought we were pretty hot walking through Fry's doing our grocery shopping, but once the headaches set in they had to go. It's amazing that $50 can get you a migraine and diarrhea all in the same evening. Good times!

Never get a physical from a nurse named Helga!

2008-03-11T21:35:00.003-07:00

Although this happened a few months ago I was sharing the following story with a buddy of mine at work today and thought hey, this is too funny not to blogg. (Yes I realize blog only has one "g" in it, it's kind of my theme)

I have a commercial driver's license (CDL). I've had a commercial driver's license since I was 18 and delivering furniture for RC Willey. When I went to work for Earnhardt's they told me I must have a valid AZ driver's license to continue employment. At the time I still had my UT CDL, no problem, I'll go down to the DMV (MVD in the AZ) and transfer it over. SIDE NOTE - A part of the CDL license is getting/having a DOT physical from a doctor to insure that you're physically capable of operating a truck.

So that Saturday I go down to the MVD on Mesa Drive. Take my number, fill out my paperwork to transfer from a UT license to an AZ license, and wait for a little over an hour to see an attendant. "I'm sorry sir we don't do CDL licenses at this branch, you'll have to go to our other location out on Baseline & Greenfield where they do CDL's". Ugh, are you kidding me. The good news was, the form I had filled out, I could take it with me, I would be using the same form at the other branch.

I mentioned this was a Saturday because I went to the MVD on Greenfield the following Monday. Why/how do I remember it was a Monday, because the MVD on Greenfield is open on Saturday's, therefore they are closed on Monday's to allow their employee's a two day weekend. (Another lunch hour ruined) So the next day (Tuesday) I go to the MVD on Greenfield during my lunch hour, wait the usual 45 minutes, only to be told I must have a current DOT physical in order to get my CDL transferred over. Ugh, you mean I gotta leave, find a doctor, get a physical, and return again (not on a Monday), to wait all over again...YUP! the State of AZ you have to have a current DOT physical or you lose your CDL. In UT you only have to have it if you're operating a commercial vehicle.

Getting a DOT physical is usually a fairly easy process, heart rate, blood pressure, vision, hearing, stuff like that. Also it usually takes about 15-20 minutes to get done, except for me.

I went to Concentra after calling for an appointment (walk-ins only) during my lunch hour the next day. After patiently (Ha, see how I work those medical puns right in) waiting for 45 minutes I asked the nurse when it would be my turn. "Oh not for a couple more hours" she says "This is our busiest time of the day". OK... - When is your slowest time of the day and I'll come back then. Late in the afternoon she informs me, but you have to be in the doors prior to 5:00pm for us to see you.

Later that day after taking an hour-and-a-half lunch I had to ask my boss if I could leave early for this physical. PS here..., my current job has nothing to do with commercial driving. Although he's perplexed by my request and my desire to hang on to my CDL, he relents and lets me go. So I get to Concentra just before 5, fill out the patient information paperwork (again) and proceed to wait in the lobby.

After a short ten minute wait I get "the call" by a CNA. Sweet enough gal, she takes my blood pressure and checks my heart rate. Walks me over to the eye chart and makes me read P G T O H N V... Next I do the pee-pee thing in the jar and casually hand this nice young lady my warm cup of lemonade. She thanks me by having my undress down to my underwear & socks and puts me in one of those horrible paper nightshirt, tukish hanging out thingy's.

So I sit...and sit...and sit. This would be about the time I notice the A/C has not shut off the whole time I'm waiting for the doctor. Just so you're aware it's November. I am freezing my arse off, and I'm not the type to get cold easily. I'm cutting glass, if you know what I mean. By now I've been in this paper dress for about 45 minutes waiting. As my hypothermia is setting in I delusionally open the door, spot a worker, and inform her how cold it is in the room. "Oh I'm sorry, let's prop this door open and let some of the warm air from the hallway get in". So now I'm still nearly naked, freezing cold, and have everyone passing by the waiting room staring at me as they walk by, nice.

Another 45 minutes goes by (no kidding another 45 minutes) and the "doctor" comes in. She is actually a Physician's Assistant, no bother except when it comes to the turn your head and cough part!!! As she comes in she politely asks "How are you" - "I'm freezing, I'm naked, and the A/C's been on full blast the entire time I've been in here waiting for you" Hmmm she says "I wonder why they didn't put you on the other side of the building, the A/C's broken on this side of the building on there isn't anybody else in those rooms" Ah $%!*, what, broken, empty, what kind of a sick torture camp is this anyways?

At any rate we get going with the physical, remember above when I said usually they are easy, and 15-20 minutes. Not this one. I guess since I had to wait so long she wanted to make sure I got my money's worth. She's doing every test known since her Hippocratic oath. I even think she performed a general field sobriety test at one point. And yes, I did in fact have to turn my head and cough for her...

That's about the end of the good stuff. After that I went back to the MVD, turned in my paperwork, including my new DOT physical, had my picture taken and walked out with a shiny new driver's license. Here's a break down of the expense if the above wasn't enough to get your sympathy.
DOT Physical = $90
AZ CDL = $70
CDL Endorsements = 5 x $5 = $25
Humiliation = Priceless

A great weekend

2008-03-09T19:36:00.006-07:00

Well I don't know about you but I personally had a great weekend. I was able to play golf at a fabulous place called Superstition Mountain. It's a country club, and through my boss and his friends I was able to tag along. It is a beautiful course, as a matter of fact the LPGA will be having a tournament there in a couple of weeks. The houses surrounding the course are stunning, the kind of place where once I moved in you wouldn't be able to get me to leave. I guess I wouldn't be able to stay long since I would stop working, run out of money, and eventually starve or go in to foreclosure, lol.

Not to beat the point to death, but I could get accustomed to frequenting a facility like that. When we hit balls before our round I had blasted 10 or so balls down range. Just then a guy came up, said "excuse me a moment sir" and re-filled my pyramid of range balls. Besides that I spent a great day with my oldest daughter. We were informed we were to not be around during Sam's B-day party. So we went to a local swap meet, although it's more like a bizarre than a swap meet. It's all under a huge complex of tents, so big we only saw / shopped through about a third of it. Two hours later I had only spent $15 on a dozen "gently used" golf balls. Sometimes it just clicks between a parent and a child. This day was one of those days. Me and Megan were like peas and carrots.

Now that Sunday's almost over I'm starting to be apprehensive about this upcoming week at work. We have some corporate type folks coming in on Tuesday & Wednesday. I;m told they are here to evaluate the place and make changes as they see fit. If the week ends with seeing more of my co-workers without a job it would not surprise me. That is a sick feeling to have as you prepare yourself for the upcoming week. Oh well, I guess, I can only do my best and hope for the best. We'll keep the blogg posted should any big shake-ups come down the pike.

Just give it up???

2008-03-07T23:13:00.004-07:00

Tonight I had a softball marathon. I had 3 games this evening, one at 7 and one at 8 at Barney Park for church softball. Once those 2 were over I drove to another field for a league game at 9:30. Let's just say if tonight's games were a car, that car would have 4 flats and the engine would be blown up. I / we lost all 3 games. Not just lost, but got our arse's kicked. In 3 games I was only able to bat 4 times. I've had games where I've batted 4 times, these 3 games, not so much.

I will admit that I'm a person who hates losing. I don't love winning as much as I hate losing, so it's hard for me to see my teams getting worked over. I will also admit that I play softball as recreation, I know it's not important, but I don't like being un-competitive at anything. One needs to ask his self when he's batting 8th and playing right field on a rotating basis in a D league maybe it's time to give it up (Wow that just sounded really pathetic). Oh well, even if it kills me to see my teams get destroyed my dad always taught me never to quit. Thanks dad, your lesson hit home tonight :-)!

R U That Guy?

2008-03-06T19:44:00.003-07:00

Some of you may be familiar with a local radio program that features a segment called "That Guy". It's a satirical take on what some people do that drives others crazy, this is my "That Guy".

Don't you hate that guy who shows up 45 seconds before a business is about to close its doors. This guy has had all day to run his errands or pick-up the items he's intended to do all day, but alas, he comes in just before the employees are ready to call it a day. After all the employee's lives are far less important and uninteresting than this guy's minor purchase.

I understand that we all "run a little late" or have to get something just before a place closes, but having some consideration for others is just common decency. That guy will not only show up at 4:59:15 but then he'll take his sweet time making his selections. He needs just the right thing-a-ma-jig or his wife is going to go ape $*!% and call him mean names. So he better browse for 19 & 1/2 minutes, only to grace you with his hard earned $12.74.

After all, for the common worker to expect to spend a reasonable amount of personal time with loved ones and friends is unacceptable in this "eat-to-work" society. I mean, if everyday that guy came to your work late, and spent around 20 minutes browsing, it would only add 86.66 hours to your work year. These 2 weeks and one day of the employees life are FAR less important than anything else that guy needs and or wants.

So before you go to a place late in the day, take a quick look at the door or the window and check for their hours of operation. If it's right before they close ask yourself the following list of questions and avoid being that guy.

1 - How long do I need to be in this place in order to complete my transaction?

2 - Do I absolutely need this item(s)?

3 - Can I possibly offer an apology to the employees whom I'm inconveniencing?

Question #1 only has one correct answer. As fast as I possibly can! And, if you can't honestly answer either question 2 or 3 in the affirmative just walk away..., walk away. There, now no one in the store refers to you as an ass!!!

2008-03-04T20:05:00.003-07:00

Alright here I go... Not sure how big of a weiny this makes me but oh well. It's for posterity is what I keep telling myself. Seriously I was hanging out with family all weekend long and we were re-living all sorts of whacked stuff we did as kids when I realized it would be cool to be able to go back and have a written record of the "good times". My plan is to suck you in to my world just before you realize I'm full of Bull, then you'll be hooked. Oh and by the way no guarantees on the content you'll find here. If you know me then you realize I don't care much what people think of me, cept my wife & kidletts. Blogs are for the Blogger not the casual reader, but all are welcome here and comments, however inappropriate, are welcome. Theriously!