Never get a physical from a nurse named Helga!

Although this happened a few months ago I was sharing the following story with a buddy of mine at work today and thought hey, this is too funny not to blogg. (Yes I realize blog only has one "g" in it, it's kind of my theme)

I have a commercial driver's license (CDL). I've had a commercial driver's license since I was 18 and delivering furniture for RC Willey. When I went to work for Earnhardt's they told me I must have a valid AZ driver's license to continue employment. At the time I still had my UT CDL, no problem, I'll go down to the DMV (MVD in the AZ) and transfer it over. SIDE NOTE - A part of the CDL license is getting/having a DOT physical from a doctor to insure that you're physically capable of operating a truck.

So that Saturday I go down to the MVD on Mesa Drive. Take my number, fill out my paperwork to transfer from a UT license to an AZ license, and wait for a little over an hour to see an attendant. "I'm sorry sir we don't do CDL licenses at this branch, you'll have to go to our other location out on Baseline & Greenfield where they do CDL's". Ugh, are you kidding me. The good news was, the form I had filled out, I could take it with me, I would be using the same form at the other branch.

I mentioned this was a Saturday because I went to the MVD on Greenfield the following Monday. Why/how do I remember it was a Monday, because the MVD on Greenfield is open on Saturday's, therefore they are closed on Monday's to allow their employee's a two day weekend. (Another lunch hour ruined) So the next day (Tuesday) I go to the MVD on Greenfield during my lunch hour, wait the usual 45 minutes, only to be told I must have a current DOT physical in order to get my CDL transferred over. Ugh, you mean I gotta leave, find a doctor, get a physical, and return again (not on a Monday), to wait all over again...YUP! the State of AZ you have to have a current DOT physical or you lose your CDL. In UT you only have to have it if you're operating a commercial vehicle.

Getting a DOT physical is usually a fairly easy process, heart rate, blood pressure, vision, hearing, stuff like that. Also it usually takes about 15-20 minutes to get done, except for me.

I went to Concentra after calling for an appointment (walk-ins only) during my lunch hour the next day. After patiently (Ha, see how I work those medical puns right in) waiting for 45 minutes I asked the nurse when it would be my turn. "Oh not for a couple more hours" she says "This is our busiest time of the day". OK... - When is your slowest time of the day and I'll come back then. Late in the afternoon she informs me, but you have to be in the doors prior to 5:00pm for us to see you.

Later that day after taking an hour-and-a-half lunch I had to ask my boss if I could leave early for this physical. PS here..., my current job has nothing to do with commercial driving. Although he's perplexed by my request and my desire to hang on to my CDL, he relents and lets me go. So I get to Concentra just before 5, fill out the patient information paperwork (again) and proceed to wait in the lobby.

After a short ten minute wait I get "the call" by a CNA. Sweet enough gal, she takes my blood pressure and checks my heart rate. Walks me over to the eye chart and makes me read P G T O H N V... Next I do the pee-pee thing in the jar and casually hand this nice young lady my warm cup of lemonade. She thanks me by having my undress down to my underwear & socks and puts me in one of those horrible paper nightshirt, tukish hanging out thingy's.

So I sit...and sit...and sit. This would be about the time I notice the A/C has not shut off the whole time I'm waiting for the doctor. Just so you're aware it's November. I am freezing my arse off, and I'm not the type to get cold easily. I'm cutting glass, if you know what I mean. By now I've been in this paper dress for about 45 minutes waiting. As my hypothermia is setting in I delusionally open the door, spot a worker, and inform her how cold it is in the room. "Oh I'm sorry, let's prop this door open and let some of the warm air from the hallway get in". So now I'm still nearly naked, freezing cold, and have everyone passing by the waiting room staring at me as they walk by, nice.

Another 45 minutes goes by (no kidding another 45 minutes) and the "doctor" comes in. She is actually a Physician's Assistant, no bother except when it comes to the turn your head and cough part!!! As she comes in she politely asks "How are you" - "I'm freezing, I'm naked, and the A/C's been on full blast the entire time I've been in here waiting for you" Hmmm she says "I wonder why they didn't put you on the other side of the building, the A/C's broken on this side of the building on there isn't anybody else in those rooms" Ah $%!*, what, broken, empty, what kind of a sick torture camp is this anyways?

At any rate we get going with the physical, remember above when I said usually they are easy, and 15-20 minutes. Not this one. I guess since I had to wait so long she wanted to make sure I got my money's worth. She's doing every test known since her Hippocratic oath. I even think she performed a general field sobriety test at one point. And yes, I did in fact have to turn my head and cough for her...

That's about the end of the good stuff. After that I went back to the MVD, turned in my paperwork, including my new DOT physical, had my picture taken and walked out with a shiny new driver's license. Here's a break down of the expense if the above wasn't enough to get your sympathy.
DOT Physical = $90
AZ CDL = $70
CDL Endorsements = 5 x $5 = $25
Humiliation = Priceless